


home is wherever i'm with you.

by periastron



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Bottom Joe Mazzello, Insecure Joe Mazzello, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Reunion Sex, Size Difference, Top Ben Hardy, soft boys in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 07:00:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18405515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periastron/pseuds/periastron
Summary: Joe ate his dinner while looking out his kitchen window, admiring the slow, picturesque way the snow fell from the sky. It wasn’t much of a blizzard, really, just big heavy flakes of snow floating down slowly and covering the sidewalk and cars outside in a fluffy layer of glistening white. It was beautiful, and Joe wished more than anything that Ben was there with him to see it.He took out his cellphone and took a photo of his street from his window. He looked at it, admiring the serenity of the image, debating whether to send it to Ben. Any other day, he would, but that day, he decided against it. Ben probably didn’t care about something this insignificant, anyways, Joe concluded.Joe wondered if it ever snowed like this in England. He realized there was a lot of things he didn’t know about England, and he guessed about Ben as well.Or, a fluffy winter reunion told in two parts.





	home is wherever i'm with you.

Joe picked up his phone and turned on his lock screen, smiling softly at the goofy selfie of him and Ben in front of the Eiffel Tower last summer. It was one of the many pictures they took in Paris, this particular selfie featuring Ben planting a messy kiss on Joe’s cheek while Joe smiled so wide his eyes were crinkled into little crescents. Looking at the picture made his chest ache softly, wishing he was back in his boyfriend’s arms instead of watching TV alone in his apartment.

He sighed and threw his phone down on the couch next to him, not caring that it was going to end up buried under the blankets he’d brought into the living room anyways. He dragged himself over to the small window overlooking the city to hopefully clear his mind. Looking wistfully out the window and seeing the faint glow streetlights below his apartment, Joe found his thoughts drifting to Ben again. He didn’t want to text or call him, not wanting to be a burden or perceived as overly clingy or suffocating. But he just wondered. What was Ben doing right now? Was he overworking himself as usual? Was he eating well? Did he meet someone new, someone more interesting?

Joe flopped back on the couch.

He knew objectively Ben loved him, but a part of him still couldn’t believe that he, Joseph Mazzello, managed to captivate the heart of someone as charmingly good looking, sweet, and hardworking as Ben. Joe was aware he wasn’t hideously ugly, but he was just Joe. Awkward, too-skinny, and overwhelmingly average. Joe’s hand reflexively reached to touch his own hair, ruffling his own bangs as he thought to himself.

Suddenly, his phone started ringing obnoxiously, his heart rate spiking as the familiar ringtone he assigned to Ben’s number. He immediately started rifling through the thick cozy blanket for it before giving up and shaking the blanket until his phone tumbled out and fell onto the floor with a clunk. He dove down to pick it up, heart fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird.

Ben’s contact photo filled his chest with warmth. “Hello?” He answered breathlessly, sitting down on the sofa and pulling his knees up to his chest, a small smile tugging on his pink lips.

“Hi sweetheart, are you alright? You sound a bit breathless.” Ben’s voice came through the phone, deep and thick like a jar of honey.

“You know me, just at the gym pumping iron as usual. One day I’m going to be stronger than you, you know.” Joe smiled into the phone, whole body tingling at the sound of Ben’s laughter. He pretended to act mad at his boyfriend’s reaction, but he was sure Ben could easily hear the laughter in his voice.

It amazed him how even after two years of dating, small conversations like this were still able to affect him so strongly. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the long-distance aspect to their relationship that made every moment feel so precious or because he was just as addicted to Ben as the first couple weeks of their relationship.

“But I like how little you are. Your thin little wrists, your waist, your neck.” Ben purred, voice liquid silk. Joe could feel the blush begin to stain his cheeks, knowing his boyfriend would croon and pinch his cheeks if he was there in front of him.

“Benjamin!” Joe whined into the phone, legs clamping together as heat began curling in his lower belly. “I am not little! I’m almost your height!”

“Yes love, I’ll remember that the next time I rest my chin on the top of your cute little ginger head.” Joe could hear the amusement in his voice, and it would annoy him to no end if Joe didn’t miss him so much. As much as Joe pretended to hate Ben rubbing his height in his face by putting his chin on his head every time they hugged, he secretly liked nuzzling his face into Ben’s neck and feeling protected and enveloped by his boyfriend.

“Can we switch to FaceTime? I at least want to see your face when you’re being mean to me.” Joe pouted as he picked absentmindedly on a string dangling from the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Well, Ben’s sweatshirt. It was a well-loved hunter green sweatshirt that was fuzzy and warm on the inside and had Ben’s favorite footie team proudly emblazoned on the front. It smelled faintly of Ben’s cologne and Joe loved it, even if it was way too big for him and covered the tips of his fingers if he didn’t push up the sleeves to his elbows. He liked being completely covered in Ben’s scent, and he didn’t mind the sweater paws as his hands often got cold in the winter anyways.  

“You love it when I’m mean to you. Also, as tempting as it is, I’m a bit busy right now, love. I’m sorry.” Ben sounded slightly distracted as he spoke, and Joe’s smile fell from his face. What was Ben doing that he couldn’t even Facetime?  

Joe guessed his disappointment was evident, as Ben immediately started talking again to fill the sad silence. “How are you, baby? What did you get up to today?”

“I’m okay, I went to go see Mary’s new baby today. She’s so cute and little. I couldn’t believe how tiny her foot was.” Joe gushed about his niece, and Ben chuckled softly at his boyfriend, but his laugh sounded a bit distant, and Joe could hear the rustling of other voices around him.

“That sounded like a lot of fun, babe. But you’re still the cutest. Listen, I’ve got to go soon but I just wanted to confirm you’re not going anywhere in the next couple months right?”

Joe sat up straighter and squinted. “No, I’m not? What’s this about, Be--”

Before he could even finish his question, his boyfriend’s voice got higher and declared that he had to run and hang up, that there was an urgent work thing he had to attend to.

Joe barely uttered a goodbye and a “love you” before the line went silent and it was just him and the TV and his apartment again.

Joe checked the time. It would be 10 PM in England, there was no way Ben was still on the set of his latest movie filming at this late of an hour.

So what was he doing?

Joe swore he heard a woman’s voice in the background. He wrung one overly-long sleeve of his sweatshirt with his other hand, wild assumptions running through his mind. His bottom lip found its familiar home pressed softly under his top teeth.

Without even thinking about it, Joe pottered into the kitchen and began taking out the ingredients for his favorite lemon madeleine recipe.

He played his most comforting playlist over the portable speaker his brother gifted him last Christmas as he whisked, stirred, and tried, albeit unsuccessfully, not to overthink the phone call, which would inevitably result in him wallowing in anxiety for the unforeseeable future.

Two hours later, Joe pulled the last tray of confections out of the oven and struggled to find empty counter space to plop it on. He sighed, realizing he made way too many yet again. As he started packing the treats in Tupperware containers to distribute to friends and family, he resolved to not overanalyze the situation and trust that Ben wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.

He bit into a cookie, the fluffy treat burst with the taste of lemon and vanilla on his tongue, and his heart immediately felt lighter. Just like his mother used to make. There was something so comforting about stuffing his face with desserts.

Joe decided to shower and call it an early night, trying not to feel too pathetic as he tucked himself into Ben’s side of the bed, curling his arms around the pillow and burying his nose into the sheets that still smelled vaguely of his boyfriend.

Sleep still did not come easy.

\--

Joe woke up the next morning to sirens blaring outside his apartment, immediately feeling peaky and still tired. Sometimes he loved New York City, loved the constant bustle and the liveliness, but other times, he swore he would call it quits and move across the pond.

He rolled over and picked up his phone from the nightstand. It was only 7:28 AM. He debated just passing out and going back to sleep but decided against it in favor of replying to some unanswered text messages—one from his sister telling him to swing by again, another from Lucy asking to hang out that day. But no good morning text from Ben.

Call him spoiled, but he was used to waking up to a good morning text from his boyfriend every morning. With England several hours ahead, by the time Joe woke up, Ben would usually have sent a couple of sweet good morning, I miss you texts, usually accompanied by a sleepy selfie or a photo of Frankie.

He thought about this carefully. He did wake up earlier than usual today, and it was only about 12:30 over in England. Maybe Ben slept in this morning, or maybe he was just plain busy.

Besides, Joe could stand to put in a little more effort to make the first move. He sat up in bed and fluffed up his ginger bangs before opening the camera app to take a selfie. God, he could feel his cheeks heating up as he attempted to take a selfie of him grinning sleepily into the camera.

He had long accepted he would never look sexily disheveled and effortlessly beautiful the way Ben looked in virtually all pictures and at every angle, so he decided he liked the way his sleepy eyes looked into the camera and how the angle showed off his long, pale neck well enough.

Joe sent it with a text saying he missed Ben, and a reminder to never skip meals or overwork himself. In Joe’s eyes, one of the worst parts of being so far away from his significant other is being unable to make sure they’re taking care of themselves and staying healthy.

With his texts answered, emails read, and Instagram refreshed, Joe finally rolled out of bed, shivering immediately as the warmth of his blanket was stripped away from him. He hated how cold he got in the winter, especially when there was no one around to warm him up.

He tugged Ben’s green sweatshirt back on over his white cotton sleep shirt before padding over to the thermostat to turn it up a few notches. If he buried his nose into the collar and took a few greedy sniffs, that was nobody’s business but his.

Later, when he was showered and presentable and taking the subway to Lucy’s apartment, he found himself checking his phone again. He scrolled halfheartedly through his feed on Instagram, smiling when he saw a particularly endearing fan attempt at the BAB dance or a drunk Gwilym selfie.

He missed his costars after every project he did wrapped, but there was something especially painful about not seeing the Bohemian Rhapsody cast every day. He wished he wasn’t so sentimental and nostalgic, always getting overly attached to things and people. It would make saying goodbye so much less difficult.

When he got a text in his family’s group chat (Mary had sent another adorable picture of his niece), he eagerly opened up his Messages app to coo and send a flurry of adoring emojis like a good uncle.

He frowned when he saw no new messages from Ben. He opened the conversation and saw that Ben had seen his text almost half an hour ago. But no response.

His face flushed when he was met with his own ridiculous selfie. He was glad for the scarf wound tightly across his face so the other passengers on the subway wouldn’t see him have a small breakdown. He quickly exited the app and locked his phone.

Was it too much? Not attractive enough? Was he supposed to have taken a hint that Ben didn’t want to talk to him that morning? Did he do something wrong? Forgot an important date?

Not many in Joe’s life would describe him as insecure. They would probably say he was funny, and loud, and maybe even a little (a lot) needy, but not insecure. But coming from a small town in upstate New York and being constantly surrounded by picturesque, ultra-built movie stars has always left him a little self-conscious and unsettled. Movie stars like Ben, who was confirmed to have never had an awkward pimply teenager phase and has had a legion of horny teenage girls following him since his days on daytime British soap operas.

He cringed when he realized he almost missed his stop, diving out onto the platform just before the doors closed. March in New York was frigid, and he was glad for his thick coat and warm scarf as he began the trek to Lucy’s.

He was able to relax some at Lucy’s apartment. He always found teasing her fun, and she had grown to mean more to him than any old co-star, Joe saw her as a sister.

They were sitting on barstools on the kitchen island, the bright light of late morning dousing the whole apartment in a soft glow. Despite the freezing temperature, it was a surprisingly sunny day. The weather report had predicted a blizzard coming later that night, so the two basked in the sunshine happily, knowing it wasn’t going to last for much longer.

“These are amazing, Joseph.” Lucy praised, covering her mouth with a delicate manicured hand as she chewed on a lemon madeleine Joe bought over.

Joe on the other hand, had stuffed two into his mouth at once and attempted to thank her, smacking his lips wildly just to annoy her. She pulled a mildly disgusted face, but laughed anyways—she had missed Joe’s shenanigans.

He swallowed and grinned. “Thanks, Luce. It’s my mom’s recipe.”

“Do you miss her? Is that why?” Lucy knew how close Joe and his mom were, and it had been a while since Joe had gone back upstate to visit his family.

“Why what?” Joe asked innocently, playing with the hem of his gray sweater that hung past his petite wrists.

“Why you showed up at my doorstep moping with enough baked goods to feed a small army? You and I both know you only stress-bake when there’s something really wrong, so you better fess up now.” Joe had almost forgotten how sassy Lucy could be—and frankly scary if he was being honest.

“Ugh remind me again why you came back from England?” Joe groaned and slouched into his stool.

“To psychoanalyze your every move, of course.” She replied easily, manicured fingers already reaching for the next cookie.

Joe rolled his eyes before looking down at his lap. Realizing there was no changing the subject once Lucy was in protective mama bear mode, he decided to speak up.

“I think Ben’s upset with me.” He sulked, realizing he sounded roughly thirteen years old. He swore Lucy’s eyebrow raise was audible.

“How is that even possible? I saw him just last week. I could literally see the hearts in his eyes when I brought you up, dummy.” She poked Joe in the arm and smiled reassuringly when their eyes met. Joe’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of his boyfriend, suddenly wishing he could be in London right that instant.

“Yeah, I think I’m just being overly sensitive.” Joe sighed.

“What’s been going on? Do you want me to tell Rami to give him a talking-to?” It’s a running joke that Rami induced fear into Ben like no one else. After Rami caught them fooling around in Joe’s dressing room during the filming of Bohemian Rhapsody, he proceeded to question Ben’s every motive and had him shaking like a leaf afterwards. Not that Ben would ever care to admit to it.

And so Joe explained the whole situation to her—the sketchy facetime call, the lack of a good morning text, being left on read.

“So you’re telling me you’re moping about a 2 minute facetime and a text?” Lucy questioned and Joe cringed internally at her phrasing.  

“Millennials these days, right?” Joe joked meekly, twitching under Lucy’s judging stare.

“You need to talk to him, Joseph. There’s got to be an explanation for all this. There’s no point in being all gloomy if you don’t even know for sure!” Joe knew the “Joseph” only came out from Lucy when he was being especially dumb.

“I don’t want him to think I’m being too needy and he’s so busy these days I don’t wanna bother him.” Joe defended, straightening his back slightly.  

In the end, Lucy convinced him to call Ben tonight and clear the air.

They cooked a light lunch together before eating it on the floor in front of the TV in Lucy’s living room. The two friends watched a couple reruns of a random show they found while flipping through TV channels and filled each other in on everything since they last met.

Joe had to hurry back before the winter storm started later that night, but they hugged extra-long, resting their chins on the other’s narrow shoulder and promising to meet up again soon.

\----

The clocked ticked painfully slow as Joe waited and waited for a certain notification on his phone. He vowed to Lucy he would call Ben that night to clear the air, but he still hoped he would get a text, a call, an explanation, or really anything at this point.

After coming back from Lucy’s, Joe decided to properly sort out his life. He replied to emails from his agent, dutifully looked through possible scripts, even shredded his receipts and mopped his floor with the Swiffer his mom bought him like a responsible adult.  

He collapsed against his now sparkling hardwood floor after he finished, wondering how his tiny apartment even collected this much dust. Still no new texts from Ben.

It was already eight o’clock when he checked his phone. He hadn’t even realized he had forgotten to eat dinner, too preoccupied with _trying_ to preoccupy his brain. Joe decided to keep it simple and whipped up some pasta with a store-bought jar of marinara sauce. Nothing like a hearty bowl of carbs to comfort him in his time of sorrow.

Joe ate his dinner while looking out his kitchen window, admiring the slow, picturesque way the snow fell from the sky. It wasn’t much of a blizzard, really, just big heavy flakes of snow floating down slowly and covering the sidewalk and cars outside in a fluffy layer of glistening white. It was beautiful, and Joe wished more than anything that Ben was there with him to see it.

He took out his cellphone and took a photo of his street from his window. He looked at it, admiring the serenity of the image, debating whether to send it to Ben. Any other day, he would, but that day, he decided against it. Ben probably didn’t care about something this insignificant, anyways, Joe concluded.

Joe wondered if it ever snowed like this in England. There’s a lot of things he didn’t know about England, and he guessed about Ben as well.

He tried not to think about that as he washed his dishes, too lost in his thoughts to put on any music like he usually did.  

After another shower and screwing around on Netflix for a little bit, Joe slipped back into Ben’s worn green sweatshirt. He didn’t want to wear it so often, scared it would begin smelling more of him than of Ben, but he realized he needed the comfort tonight more than ever.

He pulled the covers over his skinny legs, the thin material of his pajama pants not protecting him enough from the chill of his apartment. Joe sat up, and dialed Ben’s number.

It rang once before it went straight to voicemail.

He tried again, only to be met with the same fate. Straight to voicemail. Was Ben ducking his calls? Hurt flashed through his chest, causing his heart to start fluttering faster and faster.

Joe bit his pink lips harshly as he frowned at the phone in his lap.

His fingers were shaking slightly as he opened the Messages app, typing out a message to Ben.

_Hey Ben! Just wanted to check in on you. Is everything okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while, I haven’t done anything monumentally stupid right? More than usual I mean haha… Miss you and love you!!_

It sounded cold and distant even as he read it over to himself. To Joe, it sounded uncomfortable, and unnatural, and even a little pathetic. Nothing like something he would usually text to Ben, which usually was filled with emojis and inside jokes to make him smile.

He slumped under the covers, rolling over to Ben’s side of the bed and burying his face in his pillow. Joe could feel his bottom lip wobble as his eyes stung with tears. A small sob left his mouth and before he knew it, tears were staining the soft fabric of the pillow. He felt so incredibly alone and far away.

He fell asleep sometime after that, face pressed into Ben’s pillow and phone still curled in his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the first part!  
> This is my first hardzello fic, but I hope you like where I'm going with it! Please leave any feedback and kudos :) They are my life force. 
> 
> (The smut is coming in the next chapter, leave any requests in the comments hehe)


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